Addi's Song (home)

i wonder why it's so bright when i open my eyes. and why's it all so grey?

or maybe everything is just black and white today...

either way, i hope today is the day that i'm going home.

now here's the voice and the smell that i've learned oh so well.

she's come to comfort me with a lullaby. i wanna sing along but in her ears it's just a cry.

oh mother why ... could you tell me why ... am i ever gonna go back home?

i like the feel of the grass on my toes and the waves on my face,

the wind when it blows off to some other place.

the sand in my hair and the sun in my eyes ...

but i think i'm really gonna miss my home.

i've learned to play with my toys. stay away from the boys.

'cause i am all sugar and spice and everything nice

and they're just slugs and snails and puppy dog tails to me ...

hey look at that! momma did you say the way i'm walkin' all around the floor?!

pretty soon i'll be runnin' out your front door ...

learnin' more. explorin' more.

'cause i'm steppin' up. movin' out. learnin' what life's all about.

'cause it's so hard to see for a person like me.

you're all over my head unless you get down on your knees ...

and be like me. come on down with me, then i'll tell you 'bout the

grass on your toes and the waves on your face.

the wind when it blows off to some other place.

the sand in your hair and the sun in your eyes.

oh, i think i'm startin' to call this place home,

'cause every time i try remember kine i blink

and then it's gone.

my memories tease me.

so why do i cry when i open my eyes?

the colors fade to gray, but they say one day i'll be lookin' back and missin' these days ...

either way, i hope today is the day that i'm goin' home.

'cause all i ever wanted was to go back home.

la da da di da 

this song is about addi growing up, from infancy 'til old and grey. she has always seemed wise to me, even as an infant. and i would often imagine that she remembered quite clearly the pre-existence, "home", and wondered what exactly she had signed up for with mortality. i imagined her remembering, with perfect clarity, the sights, sounds, colors, feelings, textures, everything about living in a heavenly home. and then she was born into this body she didn't know how to control, that didn't see color, that smelled little more than the smell of a person, mother. a body whose voice was unfamiliar and untrained. and she longed to be back with God, back home.

but then she starts growing up and starts forgetting heaven altogether. she starts understanding the way mortality works, the way her body works, and starts embracing this life. she starts calling earth home and teaching others the joys of mortality. 

but then in the end, when death is near and the veil is again thin, she starts remembering how all she ever wanted was to be back home, and that's the whole reason she lived here in the first place, was to get back home and to be able to stay there. and even though mortality is perhaps one of the most memorable and defining moments of out eternal existence, when the sweet smell of heaven is near, the allure of mortality seems infinitesimal.

la da da di da.